Well I know what’s right, I got just one life…

*Warning* long post and no pictures! But, I did give you some listening enjoyment above!

Sooo... My week of being upset about the race is over!!! The clouds have lifted and I am feeling GREAT and super optimistic of things to come. I know that I am better than how I ran at Chicago and I am excited to get back out there. I learned from my experience in Chicago and have some things in mind to change for the next race. I know I am tough- I finished the race with blood dripping down my body for Pete's sake! I can do this.

Today I met with John to discuss my next block of training and I left our meeting with a renewed sense of (healthy) determination. The plan for this week is to run just a half an hour easy every other day for recovery. And, if I don't feel like it, I don't have to. (!!) I originally wanted to try to OTQ right away again at California International Marathon in December. We decided for numerous reasons, that it would be too soon. And I get that. I certainly don't want to try again before I am ready and have it blow up in my face.  Here is my race plan:

November 14th- IronGirl 10 mile run- I won with a 1:03:xx last year and hope to be under 1:00:00 this year. I have dipped under one hour for the 10 mile in the AFC half marathon in August and in my time trial in September, so I am looking forward to seeing how well I can do here.

November 25th- Mesa Mi Amigo's Turkey Trot 10k- apparently the biggest one in AZ! Have not done this one yet, super excited!

December 12th- Tucson 1/2 marathon- came in 2nd last year in the full marathon, so I am excited to hopefully PR for the half marathon on this fast course.

If all feels well and is going smoothly after Tucson then...

January 16th- PF Changs Rock and Roll Marathon- This was my very first marathon in 2008. I ran it in 4:36:xx. This time I am looking to OTQ here. My how things have changed... I love that I am running this one because I won't have the stress of travel. I will be able to sleep in my own bed. I will have support from my friends that live here- I am going to need you guys! And lots of my Bandido friends are running it. Yay!!!

If I am not feeling ready after Tucson, then I will either find a March marathon and run Boston for fun, or wait until Boston. I am going to be honest with how I am feeling and I am going to listen to my coach and his suggestions. I just have to be patient as I want my next full to go really well, and I know it will.

Runningly Yours,

Update…

So last night I took some Tylenol PM to help me sleep. I was in a foggy daze all day today. I could not snap out of it or think clearly. Guess when the only other time I took it was....the night before the marathon. hmmm....I wonder if that is why I could never get into my groove. What a dumb mistake.

Do you get the same feeling when you take it?

Runningly Yours,

You can lose it without knowing

You wake up and you don't notice, which way the wind is blowing. Don't fade on me.

So I am taking the rest of this week to 'grieve' my race in Chicago and then I need to get over it. I am not giving up and I know I can qualify. It just, for some reason, was not meant to be in Chicago. My splits were rotten, but I am going to try to look back and assess how I felt during the race.

Pre-race I was feeling great. I  was relaxed, I knew I could do this. I was a little nervous about the weather, but I thought that training in Phoenix heat would have prepared me sufficiently.

I arrived to the elite development tent on Sunday morning. I was a little disappointed in the fact that none of the girls were talking to each other, it seemed very 'cliquey', but I can't really criticize as I did not put myself out there either. Maybe they were all just as shy and nervous as I was.

My stomach felt great, no pre-race stomach anxiety. I arrived to the corral at about 7:15 and the gun went off promptly at 7:30. I didn't warm up too much as the temperature outside was warming up quick.

I was feeling good starting out. I was being conservative clocking the first 3 miles at a 6:20 pace. At around mile 8, I realized I was not settling in and it just felt hard. I  started to reach into my mental bag of tricks and was able to keep the negative feelings at bay for awhile. I was just waiting for my friend Jeff to catch up to me so we could run together. I knew that it would really help me to have him there. I went through the half at 1:22 something. Perfect! My spirits lifted for a bit knowing that I was on pace and was managing.

Right after I crossed the half, I was so happy when I heard a familiar voice say 'relax your shoulders'. Jeff!! If you have ever run a marathon before, you know how wonderful it is to see ANYONE you know on the course.  I was breathing pretty hard by then. Out of nowhere, my stomach started acting up. I ran to the restroom and timed myself, I only lost about a minute. I was heading for a 2:44, so I figured I could still eek out a 2:46. But...I lost Jeff. So that royally sucked.

I haven't been able to even look at my splits yet from my Garmin, (can't face the music yet) but I believe miles 15-20 were pretty bad. I think around 6:25's. I was losing it mentally. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I stopped twice for a breather. I am pretty dramatic, I know, but it brings me to tears thinking about it. I am stronger than that. I am stronger than having to stop in the middle of a race.

So mile 21 finally comes and I  figured that if I could just keep going and try to hit 6:16's, I *might* be able to eek out a 2:46 or at least a sub-2:50.

I started to feel a bit better and was trudging on. Mile 22 I hit a metal ring on the road. It stuck to my shoe and when I stepped on it with the other foot, I hit the ground HARD. My head,ear, cheek, shoulder, and knees got pretty roughed up. When I opened my eyes, I was laying in the street and I just knew any chance of salvaging the race was gone. I laid there trying to get up for what I think was 3 minutes. I stood up and the police were ready to call an ambulance but after a good shake out, I decided I was going to finish. With blood running down my face, arm, and knees, I just ran.

I crossed the finish line in 2:51:33. I was crushed. I don't know what happened to me out there. Not even under 2:50.  As I noted in the previous post, I spent some time in the med-tent after the race. I was a mess.

I have been pretty down about it since. I have been trying to shake it off, but I still feel embarrassed and I feel like a dissappointment. I was supposed to be done with my bad races. I am trying to look at what went wrong, the main thing I feel I need to work on is my mental racing 'toughness'. Physically, I was in the best shape of my life and I was ready to do this. I knew I could  go under 2:44, and that 2:44 was a safe time for me so that I could just get qualifying done with.It is hard to not even come close to that.

It also stinks that I need to change my winter racing plans as those plans were contingent on me qualifying in Chicago.

As Debbie-downer as this post is, I have to tell you that I am so lucky to have family and friends that not only understand what I am going through, but have been great at lifting my spirits this week. Thank you so much. I also have to tell ya that I am very ready and determined to get back in the saddle. The funny thing is, my cuts from the fall hurt way more than my legs ever did after the race. So, I am hoping my muscles are recovering well.

For now, until further race plans are made, I am taking the rest of the week to be sad and think about the race. I am also taking the week to eat and drink all of the things I don't let myself have during training- real gluten bread, cheese, root beer floats, and maybe a glass or 2 of wine.

In other news, before the race my car broke down. (hmmm..this turned out to be quite a bad week leading up to the race) And some other not-so-happy news came our way on Sunday evening.  RIPGL.

I did end up getting my first brand new car since my 1997 Rav4 yesterday. A cute cube.

So, thanks for reading my rambling. I appreciate your support and insight. Just have to keep truckin'.

Runningly Yours,

It’s so painful when something is so close

but still so far out of reach.

I will post a full race report later, but I also wanted to use this blog as an outlet for what I am feeling right now. It is the morning after and words can't express the disappointment I feel in myself. I know 2:51:33 is a good time to a lot of people, but I was ready for so much more. Matt and my friends have been so great to try to console me, but I didn't meet my goal, bottom line, no matter how 'good' my time is.

I am SO SICK of having excuses for my races. That is 2 crappy marathons in a row. My bad race was supposed to be over at last year's Boston. Going in to Chicago I was well rested- I even got here earlier and took more time off work than usual to have an extra 2 days of rest. I felt healthy and relaxed. Maybe I was too relaxed about it? Maybe I thought I had this in the bag so I didn't have my usual nervous energy?

I had a bathroom issue at mile 12 when I was SO careful leading up to the race. I had to stop at the restroom.I think I just drank too much Gatorade trying to stay hydrated on the course. I fell at mile 22, some metal ring got stuck on my shoe and I completely ate it. Bad. I was laying in the road crying. I thought I maybe could have eeked out a 2:46 until that happened. I saw my OTQ flying away from me. So pathetic. I should have just thrown in the towel there. After I finished, I had to be taken to a med-tent as I couldn't feel my mouth and my back was tingly. The nurse said I was probably in shock from my fall.

The thing that bothers me most is that I broke down mentally. I couldn't get the negative thoughts to go away after mile 14.  After the fall, 'you suck' was just creeping into my head non-stop. I know a lot of people may disagree with me on this, but I really feel like I had less strength in myself because I have not been strong in my faith. Something is missing in my life and I need to get that back.

Maybe I am being over-dramatic, but it hurts and I am embarrassed. I know I will get over it and be stronger for it, but right now it just sucks.

Runningly Yours,

I’m passing sleeping cities

Fading by degrees
Not believing all I see to be so

I'm flyin' over backyards
Country homes and ranches
Watching life between the branches below

And it's hard to say
Who you are these days
But you run on anyway
Don't you baby?

You keep running for another place
To find that saving grace...

After a fidgetly flight into Milwaukee, Matt and I arrived last night at midnight. I was so tired, I slept until 9am this morning! (!!)

I had a beautiful 8 mile run around my hometown, Greendale.

So... here is the weather for Chicago on Sunday: 78 degrees for a high!!! NOOOOO!!!! But... 64 degrees at 10am, 68 at 11. The race begins at 7:30, so hopefully with the wind, I will feel nice and cool. I think that with training over the summer in Arizona, the temperatures won't affect me too much. *crossing fingers* This also means I will most likely wear my bunhuggers and sports bra like I wore for AFC.

Here are some more pics and video from Shannon's wedding last weekend in Sedons. Oh yeah, and stay tuned for my obligatory sappy pre-marathon post on Saturday!

Pre-wedding mimosas!

Runningly Yours,